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blackdog



Joined: 23 Feb 2006
Posts: 252

PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:45 pm    Post subject: Adventures in the Underworld Reply with quote

YAY!! I'm up and running Smile
Welcome Opti and roguebrun; your efforts on the ODA were much apreciated roguebrun,even tho they fell on deaf ears;no matter,a nice clean slate to scribble on and thanks to a little help from my friends I'm able to begin a whole "new" thread by cutting and pasting my Belstone adventure,with the full intention of finishing the story just as soon as I get time....(where have you heard that before lol?) I have a number of things to write elsewhere first so once again,don't hold your breath,but DO feel free to add your own stories as it's all about personal growth from the inside out which means you have to get to the inside/bottom/darkest depths before you can work out where the light is coming from (No light inside the lamp) and of course,each one of us has a totally personal story which probably means very little to anyone else Very Happy
I assure you all though that Belstone was not my darkest hour,it was just the place I was when I realised I'd already "been there,done that".

Hmm dragons are scared of dying are they? maybe I was one after all then,that's by far been my biggest (only) bogeyman.It helps to know you're already dead,which means you can't die ! Twisted logic I know,but it makes sense somewhere. One also cant fail to notice that you can't rise from the dead unless you are..well...dead Laughing
In "His dark materials" some of the characters have their deaths personified and a constant companion, a"human" figure which they can talk with.....I often remind myself that this is a truth,our deaths are with us always and could shake our hands at any moment becouse they are part of us,as much as our lungs or our toe-nails.I also find it fascinating that there is a skeleton inside me,walking around;I try to see it sometimes.
When you recall that time doesn't exist (it really doesn't,I've proved it to myself over and over) then your death is really NOW and has already happened.......Mind boggling isn't it?
It would be truly fascinating to conquer time once and for all; I frequently use my disbelief in time to relieve unpleasant experiences,for instance if I am on a particularly long journey and have become tired and miserable,ie I'm stuck on a moor,it's pissing down with rain,my water proof boots are no longer water proof,my legs are aching,my socks have rubbed,my camera ways a fricking tonne and its MILES back to the van,I simply recall that I can be there in a split second.Hey presto! I'm warm and snug in my van and all the nasty stuff in between only took a second,if that.
Another recent event that should've left me scarred for life was the removal of one of my molars;I have deformed teeth by modern standards,they have hooks on the roots to stop them falling out,so they don't come out easy! Judging by the look of consternation on the dentists face and the hands on the clock face I'm guessing the pain was pretty intense and prolonged (45 minutes!),but since I chose for it to only last a few seconds I didn't really mind,and didn't even bother asking for top up medication.Over the last month I've been picking little bits of jaw bone out of my gum as they surface which is quite interesting,although waking up one night heamorrhaging and choking on my own blood was less interesting!
If you haven't got a clue what I'm talking about and think I'm waffling on insanely you clearly don't have a handle on the time thing yet;try it,it's reeeeeaaaallly cool Very Happy
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blackdog



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Intro. Blackdogs journey to the Underworld,Belstone.
I know everyone else in the world has a hangover on January 1st,and normally I do too,but this year I decided to do something different,this year I was gonna "follow that star" and see what happened.The star in question of course is Sirius which reaches it's highest point on midnight of January 1st and is presumably the reason why that date is historically important,tho we have clearly forgotten this and why.Not only that but we have gotten ahead of ourselves and celebrate it the night before,possibly for the same reason we now hold boxing day on christmas day and dont bother having christmas day at all,ie greed and selfishness.Or it could be becouse in older times the beginning of the day was the evening so New Years Day starts as soon as it gets dark...whatever....the real reasons and meaning behind the day are forgotten,but I'm betting it has something to do with that star which you may recall just a few days ago lead the three kings (orions belt) across the sky to Bethlehem.So,since Sirius is the dog star and I'm the black dog I decided to just do something a bit different for a change and get a bit closer to that star by climbing up a mountain.
In true blackdog fashion I left it all too late and never made my mind up till virtually New Years Eve where I was going to end up,then a quick scout through the megalith site Dalraidian posted on his dragon vortex thread brought up the name Belstone,on Dartmoor,and after a quick read on the internet of whatever I could find,thats where I decided to head.As you all may know one of my favourite places to visit is Glastonbury which has a famous ley line called the Micheal line running through the Tor there,and when I read up on Belstone I discovered this same ley line runs through Belstone and reaches a point in the center of the stone circle ,so I thought,this would be a cool place to look up into the sky and see if i could spot Sirius,hovering over me.So that was my plan,and this is what happened

January 1st

I spent the whole morning cleaning out my van which was full of gardening tools and mud and bits of trees ,and filling it up again with spare clothes,food,duvet,rugs,etc etc becouse I fully intended to spend the night there; my plan was to get there in daylight and checkout the site,take some photos,sleep in the van for a while (or read a book) till midnight then sit in the stone circle with a candle or something (waiting for a mysterious shimmering white ray of light to beam down on me from above and a deep dark voice to boom out from the depths of the earth revealing at last the meaning of life,announcing a dangerous and mystical quest for me to undertake,and granting three wishes .....he he he.....my other thought was that a pack of zombies would crawl out from behind the stones and drag me screaming into a stinking bog...)
Finding Belstone was relatively easy and also rather nice;about an hour and a half travelling down the same old boring road,then half an hour of wondering if I'd taken the wrong turn when suddenly (and I mean suddenly) the world changed and every inch was a wonderland, (my style of wonderland anyway) There were dry stone walls, real ones covered in centuries old lichen, fantastic towering beech trees,moss,ferns,green, green everywhere (and red and gold ) Tucked away along the tiny lanes were fantastic houses,the sort of thing you see in movies,not in real life in a town....Stone walls,thatch,lots more moss and ferns,one house had a tower! By now I was grinning and thinking I'd wondered into the set of the Hobbit or something. Finally got to Belstone which is about as quaint as it could possibly be,and right there in front of the village the most immense hills! I had been wondering before that "I thought Belstone was on the moors,but I haven't seen any moors,when do I get to the moors,where are the moors,is it on the moors?".Well, you go round a corner,and there they are! I REALLY REALLY want to live there.Bet the house prices are astronomical tho, a while back someone payed �85000 for a shed,yes a corrugated iron shed...It is built on the ley-line,but it is still a shed...
I parked up near the village square,grinning again at the prettiness of everything,filled up a bag with camera,torch and reflective jacket (in case I got lost) lots of little things which ended up weighing a tonne,put my thick coat on,on top of the thick jumpers,gloves,tights,woolly hat thermal underwear etc etc and set off towards the "common",the greeny bit in front of the houses.Now I had been lead to believe,from the stuff I'd read up, that the stone circle was a jolly little jaunt across the common,clearly visible from the pub car park,and that I could saunter over,have a picnic,saunter back ,nice and leisurely.Well,no pub car park;the common stretched off and melded imperceptibly into a bloody great hill with no sign of a circle of any kind and what's more,no-one I spoke to had the slightest inkling of what I was talking about. There were plenty of people there,locals walking their dogs or wandering in and out of houses,hikers with ruck-sacks ,so I went up to various groups and asked "where is it"....the locals just looked at me blankly,untill with a bit of prompting they nodded and said "oh right,d'you mean the hut circle? Sorry no idea". The hikers were a bit more informative,with a sort of vague sweep of the arm which took in most of the whole bloody hill they indicated that it was "up there somewhere,".Great.


Ok, standing on the common, looking at this bloody great hill in front of me;so I set off,down across the common,across a little wooden bridge over a very swollen stream full of boulders and on up the hill .It was quite a wide track and still a few people on it,coming down,and looking at me as if to say "why are you going up? Its gonna be dark soon".I made more enquiries and one man actually gave me directions but....I didn't have ears to hear!! How strange! Today I know he gave me the right directions,but I simply didnt understand. He said ,to paraphrase "Up on the Tor, if you walk along to the right (big arm sweep) and follow the line of the Tor on the horizon,you'll see it off to your left". So,I set off up the hill again and after 5 minutes was so effing hot I thought I was going to explode (Remember all those clothes I'd put on? Boy did I regret that now!) Well that guy had swept his arm off to the right,so,I left the broad track and set off to the right,keeping an eye out on the left for these stones.Well I saw one helluva lot of stones,but no circles. I kept finding groups of granite rocks and walking around them thinking " Is this it? Is this a circle?"I was wandering about for maybe half an hour,seeing a group of rocks just ahead and going to look at it,and then another one just past it,and then another beyond that.It really was like trying to find fairyland,or the fisherkings castle,I kept seeing it,but it kept vanishing and I never found it! I must've come across a dozen of these "sort-of-circles" and must've looked slightly eccentric to say the least, standing staring blankly at clusters of boulders,if there had been anyone to see that is,as everyone else had sensibly left the hill apart from one couple who I could just see some distance ahead of me. I made it my duty to keep them in sight;I figured they must know where they were going,maybe they were going to see the stones too? So I trailed along behind them,not too close in case they thought I was stalking them...The dog decided they were axe murderers and started barking hysterically at them,and now that they'd noticed me ,they kept looking back at me,obviously thinking the same thing .
A cloud of mist suddenly started coming down off the hill and I started to panic;I've been caught in Dartmoor mist before and it is really scary, the only thing you can do is stay still becouse if you keep moving you'll get lost .The two people up ahead vanished into the mist and then my head got filled with all sorts of stuff...like what if he was taking her up there in order to kill her? And now he'd have to kill me too becouse I was following them;maybe they were both murderers,waiting for an unwary victim to apear out of the mist....maybe even if they weren't murderers i'd lose sight of them and wouldn't be able to follow them home?And then I realised it was going to be pitch black in about half an hour and it had taken well over that long to get this far and there was no way I could find my way back as I'd somehow left the track trying to keep those two in sight and now I was stumbling along tripping over tussocks of grass ,falling into piles of sheep shit,which got embedded into my palms,and the mist was getting worse and sheep were leaping out from behind gorse bushes making my heart race and any minute now those two people would leap out and knife me........It wasn't very nice.....


Way up ahead the mist cleared a bit and I could see the couple over to the right, making their way across a gully and heading down-hill. I speeded up and didnt give a damn if they thought I was stalking them;unfortunately I tried to cut straight across instead of taking the arc they'd taken and suddenly ten feet in front of me the dog plunged into slime...I looked around and saw to my horror I'd walked straight into a bog.I realised at this point that I was becoming somewhat hysterical and ridiculous and I'd better get my act together before I drowned ignominiously on my own birthday. My father had managed to drum into me a fair bit of usefull country lore ,which included bogs ,so I gingerly used the tussocks of reeds and brown grasses as stepping stones, though to my great consternation a lot of them sank alarmingly quickly and my feet got well dowsed.(Ha,if I'd known how to dowse I'd've found that circle by now!)The bog got progressively worse and I had to do some quite spectacular hop,skip and jumps to get to the bank of the stream which the couple had crossed earlier.
The couple had by now disapeared but there was a clear path running down the hill and I could see a house on the other side of the river which was at the bottom.But, I saw some rocks and started wandering off again. The same vanishing fairy castles occurred here; every few paces I'd see another possible candidate just a few yards away and stumble towards it,only to have it turn into a jumble of granite. There was one strange occurrence: the wind was getting quite high and whistling but at one point I found a small sort-of-circle which I could see was not the circle I was looking for,but still seemed like a real one.As I stepped into it to investigate the wind dropped and everything went still which freaked me out for a minute,then as I moved the wind took up again.(From what I can work out from where I went the next day,that spot was on the ley line which the other circle is also on.)
Now I had given up all hope of finding the circle and was feeling pretty disapointed; I could feel rain coming on and all of a sudden the sky turned black and I knew it would be dark in maybe ten minutes.I stumbled on down the hill and climbed down over a rocky bank to the river and suddenly realised I couldnt get across it.I started up-stream becouse I could see a building and thought there might be a bridge but there wasn't.I kept going for a little while and found on the other side of the stream the tin hut I'd mentioned earlier,which was built on the ley line.


It was a big tin hut to be sure,the size of a static caravan,and the area around it was sort of moulded,still natural but with human touches,really lovely.I tried to take photos but it was far too dark (By the way,did I mention I had a really heavy bag on my back full of useless crap?) I thought there had to be a bridge a bit furthur on but as I went round the corner I came face to face with the couple! They looked like a honeymoon couple,probably staying in the hotel after getting married on New Years Eve or something equally romantic, but they also looked cold and slightly panicked. They asked me if I knew the way becouse they were lost! I couldn't believe this possibility hadn't occurred to me,that they had gone tramping blithely across the moors becouse they had no idea what they were doing! They were probably townies! I had assumed they knew the way but in fact they were just idiots! And so was I !
I had gotten my composure back by then however and common sense returned,not only that but I was feeling rather sparklingly happy for some reason , so I told them I was going to cross the river,becouse clearly there would be a road or track to the building I'd seen;they didn't fancy this so I told them to follow the river downstream,it would take them to Belstone eventually.
I found a tree that had fallen half way across the river and managed to scramble onto a rock and then onto the tree,getting my legs well and truly soaked in the process as the rocks were hells slippery and covered in green slime ;I then had to fight my way through the branches of the tree,which was the bit in the river,the trunk was on the far bank.This bit was really good fun and I actually started giggling becouse I realised what a total pratt I'd been on the hill,making such a ridiculously big deal about a couple of hours walk on a hill-side! When I turned round to call the dog I found the idiot had already followed me and was swimming up-stream but not actually moving,the current was that strong.His little eyes were popping out of his head and he was making little squeeky whistling noises which might have meant "fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck!!!" I couldn't reach him becouse he'd swum under the tree and for a minute I thought he was a gonna as it looked like he'd get sucked under and caught in those branches which were underwater, but with some super-doggy powers he managed to actually make head-way against the current and inch close enough for me to grab the skin on the top of his head (which actually he didn't much apreciate,but he forgave me I think).From there it was a little scramble through a broken wall ,a quick trot through a field and over another wall and we were on the dirt track which lead to the village.Twenty minutes later I was sat in my van in a layby eating sausage rolls.
I decided to drive home,as there was no way I'd find that circle in the dark,which it now was ,and I'd be home in an hour,sat in an armchair drinking tea.I had taken most of my outer clothes off when I got in the van and opened all the windows but was still boiling hot when I got home,quite incredible. I remember I was never cold as a child and my children aren't now,they always complain how hot they are even in mid-winter in t-shirts and bare feet,so maybe I need to up my metabolism somewhat! Over the last two days I actually lost a couple of pounds which is good news as I put on 8 pounds over christmas and now weigh half a tonne! Well that's an exaggeration,although my horse might argue that point.

Ok so that was part one of my adventure,which I wrote down when I got home and just pasted here.Part two occurred the next day and I'll write it up later,hope you enjoyed it .


Last edited by blackdog on Sun Dec 24, 2006 5:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Solomon
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:18 pm    Post subject: Bravo.. Reply with quote

Great Stuff me Hearty ...

I understand precisely where you're coming from... this is perfect..

"I frequently use my disbelief in time to relieve unpleasant experiences,for instance if I am on a particularly long journey and have become tired and miserable,ie I'm stuck on a moor,it's pissing down with rain,my water proof boots are no longer water proof,my legs are aching,my socks have rubbed,my camera ways a fricking tonne and its MILES back to the van,I simply recall that I can be there in a split second.Hey presto! I'm warm and snug in my van and all the nasty stuff in between only took a second,if that."

I know, it's great isn't it, you just leave old brother /sister donkey to do the job, and toddle off somewhere in one of your other 'being bodies' Laughing Laughing

I love it.

Good to see Part One of the Belstone Adventure is a happening thing in here and your membership functional.

Carry on Soldier! Razz Razz

Love and Peace,

Davy Crockett.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

blackdog,

Nice story blackdog. Did enjoy it an look foward to part 2 when you get around to it. Never been to a bog and to run into one in the mist must have been freaky. Did you go back? Guess I'll have to wait Wink.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 5:43 pm    Post subject: Bogs and Mists.. Reply with quote

Hallo Folks,

Never been in a bog in a thick mist Foxy? You've never lived! Surprised Surprised

I'm sure you'll find some of both in Europe when you get there..

We do have some swampy ground in Kent back in the old country, very boggy it can get, especially in winter.. And mists? Hmm... I remember one beauitiful December morn' back in the early 'seventies.. I was on the old Ford 5000 tractor, chisel-ploughing the Maddocks Valley, 130 acres of very undulating country at the foot of the North Downs. Anyway, the ground was frosty, and ol' Bessy was pouring thick black smoke, when a really extraordinary Mist developed just after sun-up. I can only describe it as 'Scotch Mist' although what it was doing in England I had no idea, it hovered and swirled in patches and patterns across the dales, and although it was just above ground it was barely thick enough to reach my knees on the tractor.

It was one of those 'Magic Moments'.. Laughing

Anyway, it was delightful and surreal, and although it was completely cleared in half an hour, it felt like I had 'travelled' in time, and I knew many things in that space of time. Sometimes it was as if the tractor and I were floating on God's bong-smoke! Shocked

Yep.. When it comes to livin' Blackdog, dyin's the easy part! Razz

You know in some disciplines the student is required to unceasingly meditate on death (hir own of course), and indeed the traveller of the way, the pilgrim in hir progress reaches a point some considerable distance down life's track where one must confront one's own death, and for a student of the way at this late stage of the game, there is no running away. If s-he is not careful when doing this as one must - one must go in and go through in order to come out - s-he may end up actually shedding the physical body at that time, thus appearing to others to have 'died'..

Others with physical bodies that is. Although some of us would know if the soul made it over.. Hmm... yes dear Blackdog, dragons are afraid to die, every man (of all three sexes) and their dogs are afraid to die. Perhaps it is only the gryphon that has no 'natural' fear of death..

Hmm... I am only afraid of waste now I suppose...

The real death of course is the "death of that great tyrant within" as Gurdjieff once put it. The death of a fully mature and crystalised ego, and it's no easy thing for anyone, but whoever said life had an 'easy guarantee' with it? The persecutor within, as Bob Dylan put it in his song Jokerman, which incidentally is about all of us, including and especially (obviously) Uncle Bob himself.. It's the song of one who knows too much, and trys to keep running away to find time to make life into a joke!

Nonetheless when a 'man's' time comes the reaper comes, and one can be literally dead and walking! I was for several months... It's not so bad, it is only the "Nigrido" state in Alchemy after all.. Just the beginning really! It is The Black Lion! From an Alchemical perspective I should really call myself The Green Lion I suppose, the neo rooky just passed through grade-school! But 'The Black Lion' is in my veins.

Ho Ho..

Yo ho ho an' a bottle o' Rum..
Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's chest!
Yo Ho Ho an' a bottle o' Rum.

See you in my next lifetime.

"I am he who daily dies, and is daily born again" Rolling Eyes Cool Laughing Cool Rolling Eyes

Love and Peace,

David.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 1:06 pm    Post subject: Another Day in Hell! Reply with quote

Greetings,

Since "Journeys into The Underworld" seem topical at the moment I'll relate one of mine for you.. I say one, (there have been many) but this one was undoubtedly my first major and absolutely successfull attempt to 'break on through to the other side'..

Hmm.. it began around the end of March 1999, when I decided after nearly two decades of 'seeking' that enough was enough, I had to - as Bob Dylan put it - "find out something only dead men know"..

In the past, I had often fasted, up to two weeks on occasion, and I had often stayed awake all night, and sometimes three or four days and nights awake, and I had learned many things, but life for me seemed to run in cycles, I did not seem to be getting the quantum leap of consciousness and understanding I had imagined I was working for? Hmm... so I just made a simple decision one day - no more eating or sleeping until you 'break on through'..

I can't remember how many days it was before I came to the visions.. Ah shucks, 'visions'... ? I came to The Vista more like! I'd say it took around four weeks though...

And there was no hurry to start eating or sleeping again either.. And it all ended in a trip to the underworld (mental 'hospital' in this case) in early May about a couple of weeks since I began to see through a glass not darkly, and I was of course faced with a dilemna at that point...

Whether to kill them all, and perhaps destroy the earth as well? Hmm... I did consider it after the chemical-rape, and later that year when they did it to me again they actually physically assaulted me (about 6 of 'em) and I had "three" options at that point... Escape from the vehicle (something I had never been offered before), kill them, or just allow it!

Gawd dang and blast them, I still had more I wanted to learn down here so I let them do it to me!

Anyway, I have been down there, into those caverns and tunnels, and I know what those bastards are doing down there, which is why I empathise so much with Credo Mutwa.... My "Clean Men" took me down there, and as I have said before, if I ever get around to finishing chapter nine of my handbook and write chapter 10 "The Lesson of The Clean Men" I will describe to you in there my journeys through All The Worlds. Shocked

And so..

Life goes on in our "Amazing and Expanding Universe".

Love and Peace,

David.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What are they doing down there ?
Not sure who assaulted you David the little grey men,or the men in white coats? Or is that the same thing Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 7:43 pm    Post subject: Motives.. Reply with quote

Hmm... (sigh), well m' Dear, if you take motives into account then it 'amounts' to the same thing!

What are they doing down there? Making genetic abominations amongst other things.. But the clean men are coming soon, so no need to worry about them and their chilly realm... Wink Wink

Love and Peace,

Davidji.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 8:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

....I'm able to begin a whole "new" thread by cutting and pasting my Belstone adventure,with the full intention of finishing the story just as soon as I get time.....

Shocked It's almost a whole year since I wrote the first post on this thread! And Sirius has come back round again.Since I can't finish this story without also furnishing it with a middle, it's about time I gave an explanation.You see, I did write a middle, or a sort of a middle, but...a funny thing happened.
You see, if you recall an entire year ago, my PC blew up and I had to scribble down my Belstone adventure in a little note-book, to be copied up later; I kept the notebook in a shoulder bag and took it every-where with me (just in case I felt poetic) and there it was in my bag when I went to my friends house and partook of liver....
My best friend had moved into a new home, a fairly long way away from me and from civilisation ( since she couldn't drive at the time) and I drove out for a visit.She'd just been into the nearest town (a mega journey, on a par with African women carrying pots of water for miles upon their heads; honestly I don't know why folks make such a big deal about it, women in Britain have to do the same thing all the time, just becouse they carry blue-stripe beans not water pots doesn't make them any richer)..where was I? Town, shopping....and when she got home she found she'd picked up someone elses shopping bag as well as her own, a total mystery, all she could be certain of was that it had been in the butchers, becouse it contained a massive bag of raw liver! You can't keep raw liver on the off chance it's owner might want it back, so she decided on sauteed liver and onions for tea....At which point I turned up.Realising there was no way she could eat what looked like 5 pounds of liver (2 kilos?) she found a suitable air-tight container and slopped it full , squished the lid on and handed it to me to put in my bag....next to my note-book.
Can you see where I'm going with this? By the time I got home,slung my bag in a corner,forgot all about it and then found it again the next day, the lid had come off the container and liver had churned around inside my bag ,blood had soaked through the bottom and turned black and my note-pad was a soggy, gooed up stinking mess. The smell!!! That was a nice bag,brown suede, and it was my first real bag! I recall many many years ago my good friend Del and I sat in a pub and a band member came up to talk to him and offered me a card to put in my 'hand-bag'...Del knew me so well, he barely even turned his head towards me but I could still see the slight raising of his eyebrow in my direction,and the tiny lifting of one corner of his mouth, as if to say "did you hear that laddie? he called you a GURL"
Del is dead now, another of my friends to succumb to drink and drugs,which brings me back to Belstone.....Having grown up a little, I now have a bag, which after a damn good scrubbing came up good as new; not so the note-pad however. The majority of the note-pad was a mushy goo, but, I was able to salvage a fairly sizeable chunk of the second half of my Belstone story ,which having been pruned with scissors and gently waved under a tap, I left to dry in the airing cupboard...Never to be seen again....Until now! Yes I suddenly remembered it, what with Sirius coming back around and all, and pretty soon I WILL copy it out here! I can't recall what I wrote so it will be interesting for me too, but I warn you now, the End is missing Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 8:16 pm    Post subject: Hmmm... Reply with quote

Perhaps the end has not been reached then m' Dear..

else how could it be 'missing', I mean you do remember your own adventure don't you? Laughing Laughing Laughing

Chapter ten of my alchemists' handbook for instance, happened about five years ago, and I have not finished writing chapter 9 yet!

Dang, so much to do.. and still not a bed made or a po emptied! Razz

Siriusly though, I am looking forward to catching up on the rest of your perigrinations through Belstone...

FLiP-FLoP,

Crockett.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know if any of what I wrote is even going to be relevant anymore, I'm not going to read it before i type it up so it'll be interesting how I felt a year ago (astonishing as it may seem to some, I do not recall anything I write after about a week, and couldn't recite one single line of any poem i've ever written, which is taken as proof by some that I didn't write them!On the other hand, I can picture every painting in intricate detail and almost every photograph if i put my mind to it, even tho they number thousands,isn't that strange?)
Anyway, it IS relevant to me, so i'll continue. Don't know if I'll manage to type it all out today (especially if i keep waffling on) but as I have got a week or two before my project has to be handed in and I've done most of the work for it i could do with a refreshing break...so here goes.

I'm beginning to think there's something going on! The other day when my phone went dead I did think it was kinda suspicious; I had been reading recently about how reliant we are on technology and was already aware of how under the thumb I was , so when my phone died (right on that day,just as you called) I had already made up my mind before hand not to replace it.Now you have 3 guesses to figure out what happened next......
My pc blew up! At this moment I am sat in a little cafe drinking delicious coffee,eating chocolate crumble and watching people being alive,something I haven't done for so long.I am scribbling in a notebook which i just bought in woolworths along with a four-colour biro (I didn't know they still made them) ideal for multiple scribbling; I went to the library with internet cravings but it was shut and I actually feel liberated! My pc is in a workshop and i really don't care if it recovers,in fact I'm almost hoping it's death will be permanent.
My bf is not happy of course, he just spent 200 on a monitor for me (hope he got a reciept!) and it's not long since he bought the pc but to be honest I'd rather have had the money; if we shared all the bills and .....(blood spattered) ...able to buy my own pc instead of being made to feel like a whore. ..( Shocked )..
By the time you read this it will of course be typed up on a keyboard,probably in the library (he unplugged and totally disconnected his pc so i couldn't use it ) which will give the whole letter a paradoxical time-warp twist.My PC may well be fixed in a few days but i have a feeling it has had its day .It'll be a pain in the butt typing all this up later ; i hate doing that as I'm so slow and of course it means doing everything twice.My fingers are already cramping up after 3 small pages ; just shows how long it is since.....(missing)... and my hand wrting is getting progressively messier, I won't be able to read it soon (another reason i found a keyboard easier, but it's just lack of discipline) How big are lap tops these days? Could i get one in my handbag? Hahaha i'm joking but a dictaphone would be good so i don't have to type everything out twice
OK if I don't get back to the forum by the end of the week (it's really hard for me to get to a library) could you let them know my 2b continued story will be continued,but later and i may well be a lot less communicative in future. Wish i could do shorthand! CYA


..........missing.....forgot to mention about January 1st, just as I was preparing to set off and right in the middle of a call, my mobile phone died completely and utterly and without warning (good job I was in the middle of a call, or I wouldn't have noticed till I got to Belstone and would've been even more terrified than i was )
Something I've noticed over the past few months is my over dependance on technology to the extent of feeling naked without my phone, and of being virtually addicted to my pc.Has anyone else ever sat in front of a TV show or at the dinner table and wished they had a keyboard on their lap? No? Just me then..I feel it is very akin to smoking; they say that half the battle whengiving up ....(missing)...do with the hands and mouth when there is nothing to hold onto and nothing to suck.It is so easy for addictions to creep into ones life and not even notice they are there; addictions to objects,places,people.All our habits and routines could be boiled down to simple addiction and if you don't believe me try doing something drastically different just once and see how you feel, see how much you miss doing what you usually do, even if it is as small as watching TV at a certain time.
I'm not suggesting everyone should jack in their jobs ,split up with your partners and start wandering the highways and byways with a little white dog snapping at your heels, but it is interesting i think to consider that the most pernicious addictions in our lives are not the tea, coffee and marlboroughs that we spend so much time and effort trying to eradicate...In the modern day i have a feeling that even 'giving-up' is an addiction in itself, just look at an anorexic. The emotional crutches of TV alcohol cigarettes give way to the wheelchair of enforced abstinence whcih fills exactly the same emotional gap that the former things once bridged.
There was a little word in there,well not so little, which is the true culprit in all these scenarios,the word emotion.It is emotion we are all addicted to,feelings,the feelings we get when...
Addiction is basicly slavery and all of us are slaves to some degree; think about it, if you didn't feel emotional pain you could never be guilt tripped into doing something you really didn't want to do, if you didn't feel fear you would have left that crappy job and found a good one, if you never felt anger you would still have that lost friendship, if you never felt sad you wouldn't have wasted months of your life traipsing around after someone who didn't love you.In the end, pain avoidance in yet more and worse pain.
You don't have to be a vulcan and you don't have to trample over others to get what you want.You don't have to dispense with feelings ...(missing)..after all happiness is an emotion and we all want happiness Smile
But we don't have to be slaves, we can acknowledge our feelings and then make our descisions without them. This is the difference between a muggle and a 'knight' I believe, the ability to say "this is going to hurt, but in the long run, it will be better". Don your armour and go into battle !
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PAH! Wasn't signed in, can't correct the spelling mistakes... Mad
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Solomon
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 5:59 am    Post subject: Hmm.... Reply with quote

Very Interesting Blackdog...

I guess I'm just addicted to life then! Laughing

But Siriusly though, you are touching on the crux of something big here. The whole point is to embrace your pain, as well as your happiness and everything else too. Alchemy is Conscious Labour and *Intentional* suffering.. and if upon encountering accidental or unnecessary suffering one can learn to embrace and intend this too, all sorts of rather interesting things start happening...

You said everyone wants happiness I think.. Hmm.. I wonder? This reminds me of the story of Harold of Cummingood in "The Gabriel Papers".. Harold encounters many other travellers on his journey.. His journey to The Truth.. All these other travellers had set out looking for the same thing too, but many had become waylaid by distractions, including one mob who had found "Happy Valley" and settled for it for instance! giving up their search for Odin who is the symbol of, or portal to, (if you like) that Truth.

Anyway, I am addicted to being in a hurry, so gotta dash just now. If you like I could correct your spelling mistakes in the above for you. Any mistyped words in particular you want bent into shape?

FLiP-FLoP,

The Veteran Cosmic Rocker.

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blackdog



Joined: 23 Feb 2006
Posts: 252

PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most spelling mistakes I correct as I go along, as I check back after every paragraph (otherwise it would be double-dutch!) but I notice there are actually a couple of missing words above as well as the odd escapee mispelling. Most distressing, as I hate imperfection; I must learn to live with it however so let it be Smile Shockingly the above segment of my escapade covered just four leaves of my note-book leaving 14 more to copy! Shocked
I'd better get on with it.

January 2nd.

About 11 o'clock in the morning I suddenly decided "I'm going back up that bloody hill and I'm finding that stone circle" So I made up a flask of soup and boiled some eggs which was about all I had in the house to serve as a picnic, and then screamed at my teenage daughter for what seemed an age until she realised I was NOT going to leave her sat in front of a TV for yet another 24 hours.Having finally been coerced into putting on a coat and taking off the four inch heels ,she stropped sour faced and tight lipped down to the van at around 1.30pm much the same time as the day before.I had hoped to set off at least an hour earlier so it didn't fall dark while we were there but it wasn't to be, not with the huffing heifer in tow.
It was not a pleasant journey; my daughter may be Kate Moss on the outside but she's 100% Vicki Pollard on the inside.Having been told that no way was she bringing a portable DVD player into my van she sat arms folded,lips pursed, legs tightly crossed , one foot tapping up and down so irritatingly I was sorely tempted to punch her skinny white thigh, but i knew she'd just waggle her head and sneer "Wottevvaaah"...at me so I refrained.About 15 minutes down the road I realised the joy of herding the heifer into the van had made me forget to eat lunch so with my blood sugar dropping dangerously low I was getting into dire straights.
When my blood sugar drop i become quite insane and have had some terrifying experiences,terrifying for my companions that is as i am apt to fly off the handle with no provocation whatsoever,scream like a banshee,throw whatever is at hand that can be picked up,hit anyone within reach and not actually be able to do anything about it.It is an incredibly strange state of being becouse I (me myself i) am still there in the middle of my body stood with an open mouth saying "what the fuck are you doing?". I've been accused of schizophrenia on more than occassion but i know exactly how to deal with it, don't skip meals! And always carry sugar in some form or another.(chocolate.... Wink )
Not long after the insane episode I will become really weak feeble and sick and the last thing i want to do is eat ,but that is what i have to do,even if i have to force it down.A bar of chocolate will have me normal in less than five minutes; it's astonishing how quickly it all goes and i can actually feel it physically lifting,like taking off a coat.If i don't eat i will recover eventually,but slowly, and a few hours later i'll cllapse with migraine,so I never do it , I always find somthing to eat.I've had to go into cafes when i've had no money on me and steal sugar sachets off the tables..Har har talk about addictions lol!!!
Back to the story,with me rapidly reaching explosion point and the heifer now emitting 'dush dush dush' noises from the things stcuk in her ears whilst savagely flailing her left foot ever nearer the gear stick, it was lucky I spotted a petrol station with a shop and relative serenity was restored by armfulls of chicken bagetts (sp?) and caramel chocolate bars.
We still weren't on the best of terms when we reached Belstone but at least i was getting the occasional grunt or humph when i pointed out a particularly interesting geographical feature, though i wouldn't call it conversation.
I had plenty of time to ponder the weirdness of my sugar rushes and to realise what a victim i am of my own bodily functions and a slave to my emotions so,once out of the van and on the way to belstone common, I grabbed my daughter, spun her round to face me and made an 'effort'.
"OK " I said " We can piss each other off for the next few hours and have a really horrible time or we can enjoy ourselves, make your mind up now which it is to be. If you want to have a laugh we'll carry on, if you want to be miserable get back in the van and I'll go on my own" . She was a little stiff for a while but in a few minutes we'd forgotten all about it and were on our way stone hunting.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're Hypoglycaemic. You need help.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/diabetesbloodsugarlow.htm

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